Mild cardiac arrest?

"This notice shall serve to terminate your current lease effective September 30, 2009, with possession demanded and required."

Since last night I'd been haunted by thoughts of what could be in the certified letter I knew was waiting at the post office. The USPS slip read the zip code from which the letter was mailed was the same as that of a troubled friend. Was I going to have to testify at a bankruptcy hearing?

When I saw the envelope this morning I was a little worried because it was one from my landlord. What good news comes in certified letters? When I read that first sentence I almost had a heart attack. I'd forgotten that notices of rent increases begin with those ominous words. I'd received such a notice before but forgotten. Maybe we really do erase unpleasant memories - or try to.

Anyway, I wasn't being evicted; they just raised the rent $10 a month. I suppose that frightening first sentence is some type or required "legalism" but you'd think they'd warn you: "Punguin, don't panic. We're not kicking you out. We're raising the rent but we have to put some terrifying words after this warning. Prepare to be shocked."